I’m hanging out at the library this afternoon, using the free wifi. And I’m thinking of checking out Zooey Deschanel’s recent hosting of SNL, when I hear something more entertaining coming just 15 feet in front of my macbook.

This mixed-raced guy was talking to a young black girl. He was like a character in a disturbing Law & Order episode (not SVU). Intelligent but odd. High awareness of social custom but low interest. (WEIRD CREEPER). Overly informative, annunciates every syllable, and intense. Acts like an expert on just about everything. Starts conversations about ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. “It’s hard to believe the Super Bowl was last week. I noticed some really weird commercials. I’m trying to think of some examples.”

It finally hits me that he’s hitting on this black girl who was either still in HS or just out. And sometime later I realize, they’re meeting for the second or third time after hooking up on OKCupid.com.

These are their stories. (Law & Order sound effect).

Actual Quotes:

• “When do you plan on getting married?”
• “How do you feel about making more money than your boyfriend?”
• “Do you need help with your homework?”
• “I’m totally available.”
• “Why do you laugh at me?” he asked laughing along.
• “You’re hurting my feelings,” he said still kinda laughing.
• “Let me see your hands.” (Makes judgement about personality, possible careers, etc.).
• “I don’t care if anyone sees me rubbing your hands.”
• “Are your hands normally this temperature? You need more iron.”
• “Tell me about your anemia.”
• “How’s your mother?”
• Explains his knowledge on black girls.
• “…and I thought I heard the N-word. Do you ever get used to that?”
• “I’m going to Las Vegas. You wanna come with me?”
• “Thanks for letting me know.”
• “Awwww.”
• “I’m willing to learn some spanish for you.”
• “How do you feel about that?”
• “What were you thinking after the first time we met?”
• “2 hours, right? Yeah, time flew.”
• “I lose attraction if a girl doesn’t move gracefully.”
• “Have you enjoyed yourself?”
• “When you’re lost in a moment, it’s like everything fades to the background. Can you believe it’s been an hour?”
• “What are you looking for in a relationship?”
• “You weren’t flattered by guys hitting on you?” (Other creepers being sexually suggestive to her on OKCupid).
• “How was it obvious that they were trying to get under your pants? Give me some examples.”
• Explaining gays and the danger of AIDS.
• Probing about her alcoholic tolerance.
• Uh oh. Some older dude just asked them to quiet down, because he can’t focus.
• They ignore. Now creeper’s asking about how his online messages come across.
• Finally starting to wonder whether he is actually being too loud.
• “Well I’ve got to write some work emails, probably call some friends, watch some tv. I should study. I might. Do you wanna go somewhere?”
• “You’re gonna have to take responsibility for where go from here.”
• “Like you determine what we do.”

The library was closing so they continued their intimate conversation at Starbucks. Hate I missed it.

Cuz that chick is gonna end up missing/dead in a few weeks and I can’t wait to watch that Law & Order episode.